Greetings donkey lovers everywhere. I'm so sorry for my lack of communication recently but I've been a bit busy. Well I say busy but I suppose otherwise engaged might be a better phrase to describe my absence. In a nutshell - I've been hooked on Big Brother. I've hardly left the house since it began back in June. I can't seem to get enough of it and it's really fucking annoying me because normally I absolutely hate that programme. All those talentless self important nobodies prancing around like tits on the telly trying to launch their careers in the media. And that fucking Davina bitch yelling at us on a Friday night about fuck knows (okay I actually wouldn't mind violently raping her as long as I was able to gag her). Anyway this year for some reason it's different. I've been hooked since day one. I've been masturbating non stop to the antics of the housemates. My favourite HM (housemate) changes on a daily basis. Obviously I'd like to fuck all the female HMs (even the stupid plastic looking one with the false tits and annoying accent). I had one of my best wanks ever when the Irish one (whose name I can't spell) and the tiny blonde one (my favourite wank fodder until she left due to a foot injury.....) had to engage in a tights-over-the-head themed tug of war. I haven't ejaculated as forcibly in years. I also find myself strangely drawn to Ben (the posh one with the shit hair). I'd like to injure him (a bit).
Anyway I've decided to snap out of my wank frenzy after I visited the local shop for some shampoo earlier (for myself and my donkeys) and the woman behind the counter said, 'never mind Wash n Go, how about go and wash !' It was only then that I realized I hadn't had a proper wash in 6 weeks (since BB began). Normally I bathe sometime between 9-10pm on a Friday night but because of my BB fixation I've continually postponed my ablutions. Coupled with my non stop masturbation I now realize that I probably am a bit wiffy and do indeed need a decent scrub. Actually I do have to scrub myself raw to get rid of these bloodstains. The bitch in the shop refused to go quietly so I was forced to stab her repeatedly with a pair of scissors I found behind the counter in order to shut her up*. It's a good job she was too stingey to invest in CCTV. It took me almost two hours dissecting her body in my garage. The place is a fucking mess but I haven't time to clean it up now. I've just got enough time to dump the body parts over at Dick's piggery down the road and get back here for a complete body scrub before Big Brother starts. It's nomination day and I like to make bets with myself about who'll vote for who so I'd hate to miss it.
Until next time - I wish myself luck.
Yours
Richard.
* I normally would've ejaculated at this point but because of my recent frenzied penile outpourings my reserves are totally depleted and I experienced what could be called a 'dry cum'.
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