Funny how a self-examination for testicular cancer easily turns into a wank.

Ok - I'll have to keep this brief because I have go and sign in at my local police station very shortly. Basically I am currently under investigation by the serious crime unit on suspicion of manslaughter. Yes - the aforementioned Mr Pop Pain has died under rather mysterious circumstances. The randy old scrote was found dead the other morning in the living room of his house. Police were initially happy enough to declare an open verdict of death due to old age, however upon closer inspection at the coroners office they found a small test tube inserted into his arse that contained what later turned out to be partially frozen semen. Upon even closer examination (not sure how they do this bit but it involves a microscope and some clever people) they discovered that the contents of the test tube had originated somewhere deep within my man-parts i.e. it was MY semen! How it got there fuck knows but I could hazard a bloody good guess as to who put it there. Naturally this didn't sit well with the officer in charge and he immediately dragged me in for questioning. Three fucking days they kept me in there...I tried to explain about the Valentines Night shenannigans (see previous post for details) but they wouldn't believe me. I even showed them the scars on my torso and told them to ring the hospital to check out my story (which they did). Now they seem to think that it was some sort of revenge manslaughter on my part - they think that maybe I tried to scare the old bugger and perhaps took things a little too far......! The upshot is that I have to check in with the local fuzz (that's the police, not my pubes) every day because they don't have enough room in the local remand centre at the moment because it's full of defrocked priests and disgraced DUP councillors. Speaking of pubic hair and things, I was visiting the outpatients centre at the local hospital last week and I picked up one of those man leaflets that urge us to examine our private regions on a regular basis. Interesting reading. Sometimes I get a bit 'confused' and forget where I am and do 'silly' things. Anyway I experienced one such episode whilst there and gave myself an full examination whilst in the waiting area......Funny how a self-examination for testicular cancer easily turns into a wank (that's what I said to the security man). I am no longer welcome in the Craigavon area hospital. It's a good job I didn't try the prostate examination on page two of the leaflet!
Right - I'd better go down to the cop shop and sign my name in the book. The policewoman at reception is fucking gorgeous! I think I might ask her out when all this blows over.
As ever - I wish myself luck!

Richard.

ps -
I was flicking through my freeview to see what was on the tv yesterday. I
was appalled when I saw the programme Jade : A Year Without Her. I couldn't believe how badly they had spelt Hair.