Looks aren't everything, but you can't wank over personality

Well you would think so wouldn't you...but I've managed to do it on many occasions. Breast feeding is healthy and natural and women should be allowed to do it in public. Masturbation is also healthy and natural - so why have I just been kicked out of BurgerKing for having a wank? I couldn't help myself...you know how it is sometimes when it's either knock one out or else you're all over the place for the rest of the day? I blame the current heatwave and the effect it has on young women in town centres. It's the way they dress (or don't dress)...it's drives my libido crazy! Acres of exposed flesh everywhere - especially the fat ones.
If, as Freddie Mercury claimed, 'fat bottomed girls make the rocking world go round', isn't it about time that our city centres received some recognition for their contribution to astrophysics? I've always had a bit of a thing for overweight women. Not in a sexual way or anything (well sort of) - it's more to do with murdering them. I mean where's the fun in grappling an underfed stick to the ground and raping her? Sorry forget I said that - it sounds quite fun actually. No what I meant was, fat women, they're more of a challenge. Fuck it - it's too hot today to write much. What I just wanted to tell you was that I saw this fat bitch in Burger King breast feeding one of her offspring and the sight of her engorged sweat-glistened tits proved too much for me and I ended up jizzing all over her chips. I tried passing it off as excess milkshake detritus but the manager wasn't having any of it. I'm so unlucky when it comes to self pleasuring in public. I really must try harder in future. I'm off to Tescos to buy some supplies now.
New Miley Cyrus DVD:
£15Tub of Vaseline:
£3 XL Box of Tissues:
Donkey Lovers Monthly - £2.50
The look of disgust on the cashier's face as I pay: Priceless!

I also have an appointment with my new GP - she's female (hooray!). So was my previous one. She reported me for lewd behaviour last time I saw her and refused to treat me again. I went to see her for my bi-monthly check up and she told me I'd have to stop wanking. When I asked her 'why?' she replied, 'because I'm trying to examine you you sick bastard!' I didn't think that was very professional of her at all. Plus she was ugly as well.
I hope you all have a lovely weekend.
As usual, I wish myself luck!

Richard.

PS - Tip of the day:
To spice up my wank sessions, I tried something new. Take a hit of rohypnol and see if you can finish before you pass out. It's almost like raping yourself.