Why are they fighting to get seats in Parliament? I say let the fat bastards stand.

All this election bollox....I'm sick of it. I wasn't allowed to go into my local polling station yesterday (I used the postal option) because it's a council owned leisure facility and the bastards have a restraining order against me ever since my unfortunate 'loose shorts-no underpants-sagging testicles' incident. It's not my fault that my ball sack has become somewhat dangly as I approach middle age and how the hell was I supposed to know that the yoga class I turned up for was exclusively for pregnant women? It's not as though I was at the front or anything...I slipped in discreetly at the back and was in the middle of doing some warm up stretching exercises when the vegetarian looking female instructor told the rest of the class to turn around and face the back of the room for their first yogic manoeuvre. There were one or two gasps from the assembled audience as I did a few open legged squats and my dangly bits slipped out for some air but on the whole it wasn't as bad as it could've been, I mean it's not as if any of them hadn't seen a well honed set of balls before though I have a feeling that my 'tea-bag & meat' themed joke might've been a bridge too far for the vegeterian woman.
Anyway - balls to the lot of them! Bloody hypocrites. They're talking about a well hung parliament and fresh members and things and if that's not sexual innuendo then I don't know what is.....Radical cuts beckon? Radical cunts more like. I'm off now to see a man about a house cleaner. Apparently there's a russian bloke operating out of the local library who has a large workforce of cheap & available 'cleaning staff'. Not that my house is unclean or anything. Ever since mother died I have kept the place shining (I follow her strict cleansing regime to the letter and even wear her old housecoat and pinney in order to get fully into character)...no I just fancy having an undernourished nubile easterner doing lots of bending over and things while I watch Loose Women on the telly (I usually masturbate during this programme so at least she'll have a few surfaces to clean afterwards). Apparently I am allowed to abuse the ugly looking ones for a small extra fee though I'll have to have a think about it before I sign anything.

As usual - I wish myself lots of luck!

Bye for now